These serendipitous juxtapositions appeared in my news feed yesterday, variations on a theme of framing disappointments as opportunities:
“To avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” – Elbert Hubbard
“Unless someone like you
cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better.
– The Lorax
That is: Action inspires criticism, and criticism demands action.
We live in a world where there will always be criticism, of others and ourselves, by others and ourselves. The challenge is not merely accepting the reality of such criticism, but embracing, evaluating, and acting upon it, thoughtfully and productively.
In “How to Listen to a Recording of Yourself Without Getting Depressed,” Dr. Noa Kageyama outlines three attitudes to adopt (and associated actions to take) to yield a more helpful critique:
- Celebrate the bright spots.
I would annotate this with reminders along the lines of, “That wasn’t always so easy for me [you],” or “I remember how I [you] had to work to reach that goal.” It highlights hard-won accomplishments as the product of effort rather than talent or luck.
- Cultivate a solution-focused mindset.
For every problem you notice, formulate a plan to solve it. Recognize mistakes as temporary but necessary stopovers to help you survey the terrain, rather than final endpoints.
- Develop a more optimistic mindset.
Focus on what can be done rather than what hasn’t been done.
I would also precede the feedback session by identifying (and writing out) the main goals up front, to avoid getting distracted by salient yet less-important features.
Without action as its counterpart, criticism by itself becomes a meaningless monologue.